Can I just say, that's a fantastic quote? Sex in novels always disappoints me too. I read one recently in which the heroine, a virgin, orgasmed THREE times during her first experience of intercourse. For the second round, she took the aggressive role...which was not only completely out of character, but completely unrealistic. Every time I read about a virgin having this amazing sexual experience, with multiple orgasms, I always tend to wonder if the author is in fact a virgin themselves. Perhaps they too have read too many romance novels and think this is what really happens. Or...perhaps it has been so long since they lost their virginity that they have forgotten what it was like.
Or...was it my experience that was outside the norm?
I have read books with more realistic encounters, and it doesn't detract from my enjoyment as a reader. Indeed, because I'm not thrown out of the story by disbelief, I often enjoy these more.
I have written a few erotica pieces, but these have always featured experienced lovers. Then, all bets are off. Go for multiple orgasms, aggression, whatever...
Do I put my own sexual experience in the sex scenes I write? Not in terms of recounting my own experiences, but as with much of what we write, our own experiences colour the way we see things and therefore the way we write things. When I'm writing a m/m scene, which clearly I have not experienced being a female, I know what the emotions feel like, and can make some educated guess as to what the sensations might feel like. Obviously I don't know what a male orgasm feels like, or what it feels like to receive a blowjob, so some of my 'education' comes from having read m/m scenes by other authors. Yes, some are by other female authors and therefore no more educated than I am, but I have read m/m sex scenes by such authors as Andrew Grey. One presumes a male author can write with some authority about such things!